-By Kieran Hadley, TCA Senior.
TEN SLEEP, WY- Aragog, a local wolf spider living in Ten Sleep, Wyoming, was outraged earlier this week when he was violently evicted from his home, which was being repossessed by the landlord. “I just don’t understand why they would kick me out”, says Aragog, “I wasn’t being loud or anything, and all I did was walk around. I even cleaned out some dirt that had accumulated in the living room. I was about to mail a check to my landlord, I swear.” After just two days of living in his new home, a nice, healthy ear with minimal wax that had been fortunately ignored by the other spiders, Aragog was molested by two gigantic metal arms and yanked right out of his chair. He worked his way free, only to have his house flooded not ten minutes later. “I was sitting at the table, eating a delicious meal of fly’s blood, when these two silvery poles grabbed me and pulled me out of my chair, spilling my food all over, making a huge mess on the floor. Then the poles left and soon after a huge wave flooded my home, washing me right out the front door!” We here at The TCA Times interviewed landlord Nick Manship to ask him why he felt the forceful repossession was necessary. “There was a freaking spider in my ear,” says Manship. “I didn’t want him to lay eggs and poop in my ear.” When asked how he felt about Manship’s sentiments toward him, Aragog replied, “Honestly, I feel a little hurt right now. Spiders are people too, and this discrimination is uncalled for. How would he feel if he was in my position, and he was the one without a warm place to stay?” Aragog added that although he was angry and saddened by the loss of his home, he was excited about a nice, cozy nose he found in the “tent with the screaming Canadian.”